Hochul to Backdate Congestion Pricing, Surprise Drivers with Retroactive Bills

In a move that critics are calling “governance in reverse,” New York Governor Kathy Hochul announced this week that New York City’s long-delayed congestion pricing program will not only begin next year, but will also retroactively charge every driver who ventured into Manhattan’s central business district since the program was paused.

“As you know, we delayed the launch of the program last year for purely technical reasons completely unrelated to the election season,” Hochul said, addressing reporters with a tight smile. “Which, by the way, went just great for me and my party.”

While the congestion pricing program was on hold, Hochul explained, the cameras monitoring traffic were not. “Unlike politicians, cameras don’t take election years off,” she noted. The result is a treasure trove of meticulously stored license plate data that will now be converted into what she described as “a unique billing opportunity.”

“I just feel so bad about the MTA missing out on this revenue,” Hochul explained. “So now, all drivers who entered the congestion zone during the delay will receive a bill in the mail, possibly larger than their car payment. It’s the only fair thing I can think of to do.”

When asked about the likely outcry from New Yorkers, Hochul shrugged. “Look, they got to drive in Manhattan for free. Now they get to pay, like they should have from the beginning. It’s time to settle up – think of it as a holiday surprise from me to you.”

Critics blasted the retroactive tolls as a blatant cash grab, but Hochul dismissed the complaints. “The MTA needs this money to maintain its legacy of half-working escalators, mysterious puddles, and overtime pay,” she said. “It’s just good policy.”