I Need to Close My Laptop and Unplug, So Let Me Quickly Turn on YouTube and Watch Other People Spend Time Outdoors

My back hurts. My posture currently resembles a cooked shrimp. My smartwatch just buzzed to inform me that my “Body Battery” is at 5% and my stress levels are high enough to power a small car. The blue light from my dual monitors is searing my retinas, and I haven’t blinked in seventeen minutes. It’s clear what I need. I need to disconnect. I need to get out there, breathe fresh air, and touch grass.

So, I’m going to do the healthy thing: I’m going to open a new tab, navigate to YouTube, and watch a 4K video of a stranger touching grass for me.

Ah, here we go. “Solo Bushcraft Camping in Heavy Rain (No Talking).” Perfect. Just look at that thumbnail. A man in a flannel shirt is standing next to a pristine river. I can already feel my cortisol levels dropping as the buffering wheel spins.

Okay, he’s hiking. He’s walking over actual dirt. I’m sitting in an ergonomic chair, but spiritually, I am right there with him, tramping through the mud. He’s got a spot and is clearing away leaves. Awesome, he found some moss that should make sleeping way more comfortable. This is exactly the kind of rugged, tactile experience my soul has been craving. I am one with nature.

Oh, nice. He’s building a shelter out of fallen branches. Look at that knot tying. I feel so capable right now. If society collapsed tomorrow, I would definitely know how to construct a lean-to, provided I had a steady Wi-Fi connection to reference this timestamp.

Now he’s starting a fire with a piece of flint. The crackle is so soothing. He’s taking a cast-iron skillet out of his backpack. He’s searing a ribeye steak in butter right next to a glacial stream. I have leftovers in the fridge, but watching him eat that steak is the exact same thing.

I feel nourished. I feel wild.

Wow. That was refreshing. I feel completely restored. My connection to the natural world has been re-established. I’m going to get a sleep score over 95 tonight for sure. I suppose I could go outside for real, but it looks a little cloudy, and I don’t want to ruin this vibe. Maybe just one more video? “Building a Log Cabin by Hand in the Canadian Wilderness”?

Yeah, that looks super nice. That’ll definitely help.