OpenAI Unleashes Model That Can Reason, Leaving Humanity Longing for One That Could Fold Laundry Instead

OpenAI has once again revolutionized artificial intelligence, debuting a new model, “o3,” capable of “frontier reasoning,” a development that has left tens of millions still wishing the company had stuck to developing really good chore-doing robots.

“We view this as the beginning of the next phase of AI, where you can use these models to do increasingly complex tasks that require a lot of deep reasoning capabilities,” OpenAI CEO Sam Altman proudly proclaimed, apparently oblivious to the collective groan echoing across the globe.

“Thanks a lot, Sam,” said Rick Ursive, a marketing executive from Des Moines. “I just wanted a robot to cook, clean, do my laundry, and drive me around. And now, I’m stuck with an existential threat to humanity and potential societal collapse.”

Ursive’s sentiments were echoed by many who had hoped AI’s evolution would focus on mundane everyday tasks rather than solving hard math problems that nobody without a PhD can even read. “I was really hoping for a Roomba that could also fold fitted sheets or a self-driving car that can also make lasagna,” lamented Anne Droide, a mother of three. “Instead, I get a superintelligence that can outsmart me in any debate? How about you teach it to brew a decent cup of coffee, and then we’ll talk.”

Meanwhile, Mel Funkshun, a recently laid-off accountant, looked over his empty fridge. “I wanted an AI that would at least do my grocery shopping,” he said. “Instead, I’m still out of work and the AI is now a spreadsheet whiz.” He sighed, "I should have gone into plumbing or something."

Experts predict that o3 will likely excel in areas like astrophysics, mathematics, philosophy, developing cures for diseases, and perhaps even composing moderately humorous email newsletters. However, its ability to pick up socks remains, tragically, unproven.

When asked about real, practical applications for the model, Altman smiled. “Oh, yeah. We’ll get to all that useful stuff eventually,” he said reassuringly.