U.S. Lead Corporation Takes the Lead in Teaching Public How to Lead Lives with More Lead

In a move to lead the heavy metals industry forward, U.S. Lead Corporation announced today an educational initiative designed to help consumers learn how to properly lead their households in the safe handling of lead.

The program, "Lead by Example," was developed after company research showed that lead sales were being led astray by what executives called "baseless fears about permanent neurological damage."

"As the lead producer of lead in North America, we need to lead by example," said Lea Disgood, U.S. Lead's newly appointed Head of Customer Education. "Once we lead people to understand proper handling techniques, they'll naturally lead their families toward greater lead usage."

The company's YouTube series includes episodes such as "Ten Creative Ways to Store Lead Around Children" and "Why Your Grandfather Was Right About Lead Paint." Each video promises to lead viewers through proper handling techniques. But the company's ambitions extend beyond YouTube. Seizing the opportunity, U.S. Lead has also secured an unlikely partnership with former tech executive Sheryl Sandberg. Sandberg will reportedly update and republish her bestselling book, Lean In, under the new title, Lead In, touting the empowering properties of lead for the modern woman.

When asked about declining sales due to centuries of documented health hazards, Disgood remained optimistic. "Sure, the Romans had some issues with lead plumbing, and the Chinese haven’t been doing us any favors with their children’s toys, but they didn't have our instructional PDF guides," she explained during the company's quarterly earnings call.

"At the end of the day," Disgood concluded, "the public is looking for someone to take the lead on this issue. And who better to lead them toward a brighter future than the nation's leading lead producer?"

Following the "Lead by Example" announcement, U.S. Lead Corporation's stock surged 13%. Analysts were quick to praise the company's leadership, with one prominent Wall Street firm changing its recommendation from "Hold" to "Get the lead out and Buy."